Habit 4: Think Win-Win

Habits 1, 2, and 3 are considered to be our private victories. We are no longer dependent upon others to make our choices, we can accept our responsibility and execute our lives. Essentially, we are independent.  Yet, we are not highly effective. We must still develop relationships with others so that we can work interdependently.

Habit 4: Think Win-Win really makes me think a lot about my marriage. In the workshop, it was mentioned that win-win is not compromise. Compromise is reaching an agreement by mutual concessions which means each person gives up something. Win-Win is finding a solution that works for both of us. Whoever the "us" may be. Your spouse, business partner, child, friend, etc. I think the line between win-win and compromise is extremely thin and in a shade of grey I do not like.

However, Covey proposes that our interactions fall into one of these six paradigms: win-win, win-lose (I am going to beat you, NO MATTER WHAT), lose-win (I concede, but I will get you back later), lose-lose (if I go down, so are you), win (I don't care if you win or lose, as long as I win), and win-win or no deal (find something that works or don't play; the highest form of win-win).

Win-Win is a term I have been throwing around long before I took this course. What I have learned is that just because in my brilliant mind thinks a situation is a win-win doesn't mean it actually is. In order to have a win-win situation, you usually need 2 parties.  I have also learned that when I say "win-win", it more than likely means just a "win".

Honestly, I do want everyone to have a happy, successful, people filled life, and all that hippie stuff. I DO!! But when push comes to shove, deep down I know, I don't really care (at all) if you win or lose or get an award as long as I am happy and proud and recognized. I know, I am a sad, self-centered person. But hey, the first step is admittance, right?

In all seriousness, this is something ELSE that I need to work on especially in my marriage. This whole being a good, effective human being stuff is way too complicated awesome! Thank goodness there are only seven habits. It is no secret that I take over bull doze my way into situations until I get what I want, the way I want it  whether Wes is happy with it or not. I truly do (I DO) have good intentions, but we all know where that leads.

The great thing about Win-Win is that it is not Losing. Win-Win is cooperative, listening, communicating, allowing the other person to say no without arguing or trying to win them to your side. It is a what do you want, what do I want, and how do we get there agreement. Who doesn't want that?

Until next time...

XOXOXOXO