Habit 4: Think Win-Win

Habits 1, 2, and 3 are considered to be our private victories. We are no longer dependent upon others to make our choices, we can accept our responsibility and execute our lives. Essentially, we are independent.  Yet, we are not highly effective. We must still develop relationships with others so that we can work interdependently.

Habit 4: Think Win-Win really makes me think a lot about my marriage. In the workshop, it was mentioned that win-win is not compromise. Compromise is reaching an agreement by mutual concessions which means each person gives up something. Win-Win is finding a solution that works for both of us. Whoever the "us" may be. Your spouse, business partner, child, friend, etc. I think the line between win-win and compromise is extremely thin and in a shade of grey I do not like.

However, Covey proposes that our interactions fall into one of these six paradigms: win-win, win-lose (I am going to beat you, NO MATTER WHAT), lose-win (I concede, but I will get you back later), lose-lose (if I go down, so are you), win (I don't care if you win or lose, as long as I win), and win-win or no deal (find something that works or don't play; the highest form of win-win).

Win-Win is a term I have been throwing around long before I took this course. What I have learned is that just because in my brilliant mind thinks a situation is a win-win doesn't mean it actually is. In order to have a win-win situation, you usually need 2 parties.  I have also learned that when I say "win-win", it more than likely means just a "win".

Honestly, I do want everyone to have a happy, successful, people filled life, and all that hippie stuff. I DO!! But when push comes to shove, deep down I know, I don't really care (at all) if you win or lose or get an award as long as I am happy and proud and recognized. I know, I am a sad, self-centered person. But hey, the first step is admittance, right?

In all seriousness, this is something ELSE that I need to work on especially in my marriage. This whole being a good, effective human being stuff is way too complicated awesome! Thank goodness there are only seven habits. It is no secret that I take over bull doze my way into situations until I get what I want, the way I want it  whether Wes is happy with it or not. I truly do (I DO) have good intentions, but we all know where that leads.

The great thing about Win-Win is that it is not Losing. Win-Win is cooperative, listening, communicating, allowing the other person to say no without arguing or trying to win them to your side. It is a what do you want, what do I want, and how do we get there agreement. Who doesn't want that?

Until next time...

XOXOXOXO

It isn't written in the stars

Well, there goes Habit 1. At least now, I have an excuse. What's yours? Baaaahahahaha

Click on the picture!!

Peace out!

Habit 3: Put First Things First

When thinking if the 7 Habits, Covey suggests that we should build one upon the other and shares this analogy. In Habit 1: Be Proactive, we learn that we are the programmer or our lives. In Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind, we write the program. So in Habit 3: Put First Things First, we run the program that we wrote.

Therefore, if our mission statement is our program, and we are running the program that we wrote then by principle we will put first things first. For most of us, if we were to make a list of the 5 most important things to us, those things would be (or at most involve) people. Our relationships come first.

This habit at a glance, looks like one I have already conquered. Hi! My name is Brooke, and I am a PLANNER. I plan, re-plan, plan, and plan some more. I know what I want to get done each day at home and at work. I have lists for both places by the day and the week and sometimes the hour. I conquer time management. Efficiency is my middle name.

Unfortunately, while I am busy checking things off my list and laughing at the clock, I might not be running the program I wrote in my mission statement.

Covey states that our paradigm shift should look like this

• Leadership then management
• Relationships then schedules
• Compass then Clock

He also teaches that people live their lives in one of 4 Time Matrix's. 

Quadrant 2 is the ideal quadrant to be in. We have planned and prepared and built relationships. We have many important things to do, but we are not operating in crisis mode.

I usually break my life into two main sections the summer and the school year. During the school year, I spend most of my time between quadrants 1-3. At school, I feel like I spend more time in Q1 and Q3, no matter how much time I spend attempting to be in Q2. At home, (I know this is because I don't have children) I feel that I am mostly in Q2. During the summer, except for a few brief moments, I am Q2 and Q4. I have time to get things done, and I have time to waste on the Internetz, so I happily do!

With all that said, I still think that I am failing at this habit. I feel stable and confident in management, schedules, and the clock. While my mission statement reads that I will display respect, kindness, forgiveness, and love (to people), I focus on checking things off a list in a timely manner. I will gladly turn down drinks with friends after work if I have already planned to go grocery shopping. I will let a call go to voice mail, if I have planned to do the vacuuming at that time. If someone (especially someone close to me) is not doing something my way, in my most kind southern voice, I will tell them they are doing it wrong. That is not respectful.

Right now, for me putting first things first means to put PEOPLE before THINGS. Sadly, I am finding not the concept but the practice difficult.

Hmmm.. maybe in true fashion to myself, I will just add relationship building to my do to list. Call so and so. Write so and so a letter. Hug someone. Now, that sounds like a "win-win" solution. *Wink*

Until next time..

XOXOXOX

Begin with the End in Mind

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

The principle behind this habit is that mental creation precedes physical creation. That is easy enough to understand, we think of something and then we create. My entire life excluding the last four or five years, I never thought of myself as creative. I couldn't draw. I don't sing (in public, anyway). I just didn't make things. I organized things other people made.

This changed one random night when I had an idea to paint flowers. Over a couple of days, I mentally went though all of the processes that it would take to create these flowers. So one night around 6pm, I said to Wes, "hey, you wanna go to Micheal's with me and get some paint and canvas?" He was like, "ummm.... What?"

I knew exactly what I wanted those flowers to look like and in the end they did. Regardless of the fact, that I knew no, none, nada single painting technique.

All of that to say, that most of the things we do we naturally begin with the end in mind. However, our ends may not always end the way we planned.
This quote comes to mind."Cleaning the house with kids in the house is like shoveling snow while it is still snowing."

During our 7 habits training, beginning with the end in mind took on a different meaning. My paradigm shifted, if you will. I wasn't just thinking about boiling noodles because I wanted to eat pasta or planning a lesson because I wanted to teach genres. I began to think about what I coined "the big end", the later years (the end) of my life.

That day we were asked to write a personal mission statement. We were instructed to just write without stopping. The following is what I wrote that day.


Disclaimer: I am not writing this because I want others to share (unless they so choose). This is My blog and the diary of My life. I want to share this for my memory, if it inspires someone, that is just a plus. Please just take it for a written work and nothing more.



When we begin with the end in mind, our journey may change along the way, our ending may look completely different from the end we had in mind for our lives. But beginning with the end in mind at least provides us with a compass a direction so that we are traveling somewhere, going in some direction, not aimlessly, but purposely moving from from small end to another so that the "big end" means something. Thus poses the question, how we will begin to live, today with the "big end" in mind? What do I believe? What moves me? What influences my decisions? Who will I impact? Who will impact me? Why?

I believe in love of all kinds. The love of a hobby, the love of tasting a delicious desert, the love of a pet, the empathetic love of a stranger, the love of a spouse, sibling, friend, parents. Love bleeds out and overflows resulting in respect, kindness, and forgiveness. I believe in fighting for the things I love.... Never giving up. Out of these things, I will develop a giving spirit that will leave a legacy.

From this rambling, I wrote my personal mission statement which is still under revision so that I can start living, today, with the end in mind.

I will live a life that displays respect, kindness, forgiveness, and love. In this way, I will leave a legacy.

Until next time...

Xoxoxoxoxo

Be Proactive: The Habit of Choice

Habit #1 : Be Proactive

IMHO, to be proactive simply means to be less reactive. Reactions are based on emotions. They are the things that we let control us. They allow us to be irresponsible. On the other hand being proactive gives us the freedom to choose our responses and to be responsible for our lives.

If we are being proactive, we are the authors of our own books. We design and create a life of greatness for ourselves. We no longer blame things on the past, our parents or lack there of, our conditions, our spouses, etc. We understand and choose to control the who, what, when, where, and how of our lives.

That sounds all great and fantastic doesn't it? It is. But in reality, I often find myself reacting to things based on outside influences. Take for example, my relationship with my insurance agent. (insert forced smile) He and I operate on completely different paradigms. Lets just say, he is not as efficient as I would like him to be. Yes, my standards are probably too high. I want him to e-mail me documents. He wants me to come to his office to see documents. I want him to get the paper work done the day I call. He wants to get it done whenever he feels like it by the end of the week. Well because this happens every time we talk, I very much dislike talking to him. I say things like, I HAVE to call Mr. Insurance Agent. HE makes me so mad, and sigh heavily. All of this before I even dial the number. Indeed, our conversations are very reactive. I usually use these phrases in a stern and exasperated voice: Well, honey... no, that is not what WE are going to do, eyes rolling...

Thanks to Steven Covey, I now have been enlightened to the fact that I should be proactive with Mr. Insurance Agent. I will say things like "I choose" to call him. Hmmm.. I see a lot more forced smiles and possibly a bleeding tongue in my future.

In all seriousness, to choose to be proactive in our lives is the right thing to do. It makes us more self aware of how we go about our day to day living and the way we treat others and ourselves. It allows us to increase our influence on the things and people that are important to us. It helps us differentiate between the things we should try to influence and the things we should only be concerned about.

So let's be less coke and more water.

Until next time..

XOXOXO

Knowledge, Skill, and Desire

Habits are a tricky thing. For me most of my habits, bad and good, started forming without much thought to the fact that I was developing something good or bad in my life. Some of my habits started way back when I was a kid and others just developed over the course of time. Like getting up early. I used to sleep until like noon on the weekends, but then I grew up (maybe?) and got a job and had to start getting up early. Unfortunately, a habit was formed. Now, I always get up way earlier than I really want to. 

We all know it takes a long time to form a habit and forever an even longer time to break a habit. Steven Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People says that to change our habits we must have knowledge or know how, skill or the ability to change, and desire or motivation to make or break our habits.

Yep, desire, motivation, the willingness to do whatever it takes to make the change. That's what gets me every time. I want to eat healthier, but I am more motivated to eat cake than celery. I want to save more money, but I am more motivated to buy new shoes.

In the 7 Habits, Steven also introduces us to to the Stages of the Maturity Continuum. Stage 1 = Dependence. Here, we depend on others and we place blame on others. You are the reason I am obsessive. I am in a bad mood because you didn't help me all day. You caused me to be ______. Stage 2 = Independence. The Ego stage. I don't need your help. I can do everything. I already know how to do that, and I don't want to see your way even if it is better. Stage 3 = Interdependence. We can work together to figure this out. We can make something way better than if I did it by myself.

Steven encourages us to move from the I and the YOU to the WE. We can create something higher and better than ever.

For me, this continuum sets the perfect stage for making and breaking habits. If we can work together, we will have more knowledge, more skill, and hopefully more desire to form lasting habits that change us for the better.


Until next time...

XOXOXOX

Paradigms

Next year, my school is taking a new direction. We are coming together to teach students how to find the Leaders in themselves. It is a Franklin/Covey program called Leader in Me. www.leaderinme.org Lucky for me, part of the training consists of training our staff In the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Thus far, we have covered 4 of the seven habits and the natural principles they coincide with. I love that the program allows me to have a clearer focus of the many different aspects of my life and my relationships. In an effort to hold myself accountable (and because I want to remember this stuff) to the changes I would like to see in my life, I choose to document my journey here on the blog. Throughout the year, I will write about various things that occur in my life and in my teaching that are influenced by the habits. Hopefully, this will encourage me to maintain the habits and remember the principles. I leave you with this thought to ponder. The way we SEE ( paradigm) things influences the way we DO (behave) things which affects the (results) that we GET. Until next time.. XoXoXo